Thursday, November 12, 2015

R.I.P. Tasty Dog

As Oak Parkites contemplate what the village micromanagers should do with the Tasty Dog site, we thought we'd throw a few ideas of our own into the lukewarm hot dog water ...

First, the obvious: another hot dog stand, but with a twist: vegan, cage-free, gluten-free tofu dogs.

In the interim before the new joint opens, how about a seasonal shop? Perhaps a holiday boutique with holiday decorations -- nothing Christmas-specific, mind you, so as not to offend the natives.

But why limit ourselves to the conventional? Let's go for something bold and different. A clothing shop, perhaps. Not another Lane Bryant, but maybe clothes for pets (no, wait; we've got one of those already). Or Unamerican Apparel. Or No-Men's Wearhouse. A hemp formalwear shop. Or a resale shop specializing in agender and gender-fluid articles.

A movie theatre, featuring foreign art films with foreign-language subtitles.

An e-book stand.

Wait, I've got it: Smug Shop, with everything the prototypical Oak Parker needs. "My other car is a Prius, too" bumper stickers. "Bernie 2020" campaign buttons. TVs and radios that receive only PBS and NPR. Bullhorns for drowning out unsafe speech.

The one thing we don't need? A gas station for our electric cars.

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